Shakespeare said "By this leek, I will most horribly revenge"

Well Leeds did exactly what Villa, and many teams have done to us at
Elland Road this season. We ground out a result, we rode our luck, we
soaked up pressure and we broke well. About fcking time too God!

Leek ? what's the twat on about ?

Dont be fooled into thinking we have turned the corner. We are peering
around it, slightly dazzled by the bright lights on view, but also
checking the pavement for dog shit.

This was Sven Goran-Eriksson's first look at Leeds United since the
Lazio game. He wont have been that impressed by the technical quality on
show from either side. He will, however, have recognised the spirit and
endeavour that is typical of the English game, which masks the real
truth - We are not very good at football.

Neither side passed the ball well, both gave the ball away far too
cheaply. The ball should be caressed, treasured, loved, ....and then
whalloped into the back of the net !

Credit where credit is due - Leeds went to Villa - which is a tricky
place even for non-jinxed teams - and emerged with maximum points -
perhaps slightly fortuitously - but you ride your luck in this game and
our hard work and belief brought us through.

Of the Englishmen on show, Paul Merson and Steve Stone caught the eye
for Villa. For Leeds the protagonists were comedy duo and drinking pals
Woody and Bow, and The Coffee Table Kid - Rio.

O'Leary had mercilessly swung his potato axe on the Leeds team. Wilcox
and Mills were discarded but were in good company on the bench and the
Irish equivalent of the Beverly Sisters - Harte and Kelly - came in.

At first we looked like we were playing 3 at the back with Harte on the
left of the 3 - but as the game wore on it was probably the fact that
they were just simply standing in the wrong places at the start.

The game was played out to an atmosphere akin to a Library for mice. I
took out my portable atmosphere detector and it registered -4

A Vicar's fart could be heard.

Villa are the ficklest fans in the country - best crowd 40,000 - worst
27,000. Like most home fans they are pretty quiet. Leeds brought several
thousand down with them and we tried our best to get things going.

After an insipid first quarter the inevitable Villa hoodoo struck and an
unmarked Merson latched onto a cross ball and bazookered it home. Rio
shook his head in disgust and disbelief - he tucked his TV remote
control into his sock and urged his defence to wake up. Matteo removed
his personal stereo and said "you what?"

Within minutes Keane and Bowyer combined well and they tip-toed their
way through the claret and blue rear guard before Bowyer sidefooted
neatly past James. PHEW !

The game then slunk back into its former pattern. Team gets ball,
advances, loses it sloppily, retreats, gets ball back after sloppy
pass...etc etc.

Viduka fluctuated between being a big fat lazy lump of a lead statue and
a magically gifted Sorcerer of ball skills. He tricked his way past
Alpay's kebab van with a superb flick that could easily have led to a
penalty as the fat bloater fell to the ground. The ref deemed that
Viduka's own belly had toppled him forward and over. Play on.

At the other end Villa's new recruit - Angel, descended to earth from a
bright light yonder (or was it a floodlight ?) and only Woodgate's last
ditch assault...erm... i mean tackle stopped the Colombian drug baron
from scoring when one on one with Robinson.

At half time Luc Nilis came onto the pitch to announce his retirement.
The Leeds fans present (a fair number had gone for pies AND/OR the
famous Villa chip butties) gave him a very warm hand and he looked
genuinely touched (or maybe he had indigestion or something.) I remember
Nilis when he was at PSV and his performance at Elland Road in the 5-3
win during Wally Wilko's UEFA days was a joy to behold. The whole
episode brought a tear to my eye - not cos of the curtailing of a
brilliant career - BUT by the fact that he was wearing a crappy Top Shop
long girls coat similar to O'Leary's. Poor Luc.

No surprise 2nd half when Wilcox sprung out of the tunnel to replace
Smackhead. Matteo had received a nasty knock just before the break and
only a shot of skag could revive him. Colombian Angel administered it.

Villa started well and clipped the bar after Leeds' defence dithered.
Leeds then had a good spell. Wilcox after a shaky start blossomed. Stone
- who had been an attacking threat - now had to keep his defensive eye
on Jason and all of his argonauts.

Kelly remarkably repeated his 1st half feat of getting to the by-line
and crossing the ball the right side of the line. On both occasions
Leeds were inches away from converting. Was this really Gary Kelly or
was it Millsey with some dog shit smeared on his head ?

Leeds fans sensed a whiff of victory. Surely not ? Not against Aston
bogey, jinx, hoodoo, voodoo Villa ?

There was a defining moment of the game that proved to be Leeds' turning
point. Keane who had bounced about the pitch like a space hopper on
speed looked at some of his team mates lack of desire and waved his arms
frantically around at them - urging them on to victory.

It happened.

Viduka created excellent space on the left, he lulled the defence in
with his usual casual manner but then with explosive speed teased a yard
of space and chipped the ball to Keane. Realising his bad positioning
the otherwise excellent Barry jumped all over Keane and the ref gave the
stone wall penalty that is was.

Harte, not Keane, took the spot kick and to the relief and joy of the
travelling army sent Jessie James the wrong way.

Batty and Smith replaced Dacourt and Keane as Leeds prepared to scrap
for the 3 points.

The onslaught began.

Ginola teased and turned this way and that but Kelly had the measure of
him (just!). Merson, a fantastically bright footballer, rattled the post
in the dying minutes and then danced past 2 defenders and lobbed Robbo
from 20 yards only to see his chip rebound off the bar.

Our luck had changed.

The ref blew and we celebrated our hard fought, if not pretty, win. Who
cares !

The players responded except Bakke who slipped quietly down the tunnel
with no hint of joy. Maybe this was because he knew he'd had a poor game
or perhaps he was upset that Batty's name was chanted straight after
Eirik had made yet another unforced error in the middle.

He'll come good again.

Scores
------

Robinson 6.5 - some good punches in the warm up and the game. His new
gloves that look like posts and a crossbar did well.

Kelly 7 - wow ! 2 great runs and crosses. Still a bit hesitant but
defended very well. Mills - FCK OFF !
Harte 6 - Good to see him back. Stone gave him a hard time early on
but he improved and took the penalty very calmly
Woody 8 - Gets dragged out of position a fair few times but his
strength is unbelievable
Rio 7.5 - Quality player. Looks like he's trying to get the defence
organised himself. He will be a good leader. Hope he doesn't get his
feet up before the Liverpool match though.

Bowyer 7.5 - Tenacious but also carried the ball well. Great goal.
Matteo 5 - Shat himself the 1st 3 times he got the ball upfield. A
good solid player but lacks craft and confidence to run with the ball. A
Class A drugs taker.

Dacourt 6 - Played a very effective destructive role but little was
seen of him coming forward. We'd be lost without him.
Bakke 4 - Too many errors, too weak in the tackle. Looked peeved at
the end. He knew he'd played badly.

Viduka 7.5 - Jeckyll and Pie. Looks bored when he hasn't got the ball
but always likely to do something different with it. Like EAT it !

Keane 7.5 - Ran about 400 miles during the game. Dropped back on
numerous occasions. Didn't get too much time and space on the ball but
he really got the Leeds players going.

Subs/

Wilcox 7 - started like a duck egg but forced Villa back and got in
some good crosses.

Smiffy/Batty 6 - Lively but it was backs to the wall stuff.

All in all - WELL DONE LADS !

Last word from DOL - He said: "I think that result would have shut a few
people up although we rode our luck a bit at the end when Paul Merson
showed some typical magic"

..sorry David but last word is from me...

I'LL NEVER SHUT UP !

:-)

--
stotty

www.astott.demon.co.uk

(LUFC match reports, cartoons, and Flash movies)