Leeds 2 Sunderland 0

My old fella has been watching Leeds for over 50 years now. He's missed
the last 5 games due to hobnobbing it on the QEII with a load of poncey
old twats. He said that he'd been shitting himself for the last couple
of weeks, not cos of any tummy bugs that may have been lurking on the
cruise liner, but because he was worried that Leeds 18million quid
investment may have been a waste.

Midway through the 1st half Rio picked up the ball in danger, he
shrugged off Niall "Lighthouse" Quinn, dummied beautifully, turned
inside and stroked the ball 50 yards forward straight into Viduka to
start a swift counter attack.

"Bloody Hell ! - He'll do for me kid!" enthused my father. An instant
cure that no amount of immodium could achieve.

Injuries and tiredness are no longer excuses that Leeds can use. For now
we have a 2 month break from the distraction of the Champions League and
a subs bench containing full England internationals Batty, Martyn and
Wilcox, U21 cap Mills and ....erm...Darren Ploperby.....I suppose 4 out
of 5 aint bad !

This game was like a cup tie. Real shit or bust football. Not overly
pretty but the best sort of entertainment us simple Yorkies know.

Kewell started on the left and he seemed to flit between midfield and
attack. As the game wore on and Harry tired he seemed less inclined to
drop back and help. We ended up 4-3-3 but at 2-0 up we could afford that
luxury.

Sunderland are no mugs - with 5 wins on the bounce they make up for any
lack of individual class with a phenomenal work rate and an aggressive
style that borders on thuggery.

It was a good time for Leeds to meet the Wearsiders cos due to their
recent successes they came out at Leeds with a genuine attempt to win
the game. This gave Leeds the room that they so much crave for at Elland
Road.

Bowyer, Bakke and Dacourt fought like demons in the middle of the park
with the Frenchman in awesome form. His twists and turns are remarkable
at times and indeed left one Sunderland player flat on his arse at one
point like a fairy that had fallen off a Christmas tree.

Kewell hugged the left touchline and bamboozled the visitors defence
with his quick feet and accurate crossing. It was only a matter of time
before Leeds scored.

Bowyer, Bakke, Smith and a be-gloved Viduka combined well to set up the
opener for Bowyer. His angled drive from 12 yards giving the generally
impressive Sorensen a chance to play statues.

Sunderland were not without their chances though. The Black Cats were
exposing the space on Leeds' right well , particularly Micky "Gay Hair"
Gray, and were cracking hopeful balls up to Floodlight Quinn for his
knockdowns. One such scenario ended up with Quinn himself blazing over
from close range, the ball catching his hoof-end no doubt.

Killbane, the thinking mans Huckerby, then missed 2 half chances that
Huckerby could only dream of on the bench. He'd have mis-kicked them too
- without question.

Two people said to me at the match "Celtic are gonner buy Huckerby !"
How come ? has Martin O'Neil started taking drugs or something ? We
couldn't give the prat away let alone sell him !

Bowyer ran clear of the Sunderland defence following Viduka's neat flick
and was bundled to the ground by Thome. Having already been booked the
Brazilian should have walked. Instead the referee, who was dreadful
throughout, booked another Sunderland defender. Facking c@nt !!

For the millionth time Smith was twatted from behind and the ref ignored
it. Facking c@nt !!

Half Time - Leeds deservedly ahead but by no means having it all their
own way.

2nd half and Leeds were well on top. Dacourt, Bowyer and Kewell led the
Mackems a merry dance. Bowyer twice and Viduka wasted good shooting
chances and Sorensen saved well from Viduka following a corner. Viduka
then dummied his way through to the byline and his chip looked certain
to be converted by the unmarked Kewell until Sorensen stretched up like
an elastic salmon and denied the Australians.

Just when it seemed Leeds were themselves cruising on the QE2 , Robinson
and Kelly contrived to completely fck up and leave a harmless ball alone
which resulted in Quinn being allowed to poke the ball into an empty
net. Luckily Quinn was offside when the impetuous Arken prodded it
forward. Leeds breathed a huge sigh of relief. Rio then nipped into deny
Quinn when the equaliser seemed a formality.

Leeds needed a 2nd to settle the crowd's nerves. My father's bowels were
beginning to loosen again.

Leeds snapped back into life - Bakke hit the post after an excellent
cross from Ferdinand - what the fk was he doing up there !? Bakke's
backheel beat the keeper and the rebound eluded Viduka's pounce, paunch
- the lot

Leeds then sealed it with Viduka feeding Kewell, who popped up on the
right like a glove puppet out of a box, and after intentionally
dithering about for a second or two sent a measured cross onto Viduka's
ample forehead and Leeds were 2-0 up.

Prodigal son Batty replaced Dacourt ,who looked like he had a slight
knock, and both players received unbelievable cheers from the crowd.

What a player to bring on ! Batty was instantly involved and was
snapping about like a crocodile in a kids swimming pool. His trademark
give and go passing was in evidence and he showed what Leeds have missed
for the last year when he released Smith with a glorious through-ball
which Smiffy lobbed in from an acute angle. The linesman's flag however
had been raised but replays suggest he was wrong.

So 3-0 to Leeds but officially only 2 ;-)

Credit to Sunderland who hit the bar in the last minute and had they had
a lot more luck could have sneaked a point. Leeds however were in
irresistible form at times and carved the visitors apart far too often
for Monkey Reid's liking.

Scores
-------

Robinson 7 Made some good catches from crosses. Kicking good.

Kelly 7 Gritty performance. Not helped by the fact Bowyer tucked in
and left Kelly exposed a few times. Little chance to come forward

Matteo 7.5 Polished showing. Did the simple things well.

Woody 8 Gave rat face Phillips little room to manoeuvre.

Rio 8 Several gorgeous pieces of skill and self-assurance.
Handled Quinn as well as he could have hoped.

Bowyer 8.5 Tireless running. Broke forward well and scored.

Dacourt 9 The black Batty. The lynch pin in the team.

Bakke 7 Great improvement of late. Plays so much better when the
midfield is not crowded out. He's still learning.

Kewell 8 Ran well with the ball, crossed more than anyone else has
all season. Still a bit rusty but looks even better than I remember !
Cant wait til he fires on all cylinders again

Viduka 7 Some lovely touches but drifts out of the game at times -
maybe that's due to tight marking or tight underpants - who knows ? Took
his goal wonderfully well.

Smith 7 Ran his testicles off. Has since had them sewn back on.
Battled for little reward. Scored what should have been our 3rd

subs

Batty 8 Batty is back ! Hello ! Hello !

Huckerby I'm not marking than lemon.

Ref 1 Pathetic.

Sunderland 8 - gave 100% but finishing was w@nk

Crowd 8 - good atmosphere - "you're just a Newcastle suburb !" we
teased.

--
stotty

www.astott.demon.co.uk

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