What is it about Mark Viduka that I dont like ? I'm sure he does
actually try but far too often for my liking it looks like he isnt
arsed. Maybe its because he's that bit fatter than your average
footballer then he cant move his bloated limbs as quickly as others.
Maybe cos he's a millionaire he doesn't care what people think or say.
Maybe he knows O'Leary wont drop him so he can just mince about day
dreaming about the "meal for 6" special at his local chinky takeaway.

Leeds are a bit random at the moment. We play well - we lose, we play
badly - we win. Well against Everton we were back to our enigmatic best.

We should be sponsored by Pampers - shit at the back, piss up front. At
least the midfield totally ran the game.

Lets get a few things straight. Everton are a poor side. They also have
lots of injuries. As a result they are currently a piss poor side . They
are scrapping for points at the bottom and one would expect them to have
all guns blazing against Leeds.

In all my days of watching Leeds I cannot recall a home side have so
little control of the game. Their midfield was anonymous. They had
nothing up front and their defence was held together by Richard Gough
age 57, in his Davros wheelchair.

So the fact that Leeds made very hard work of getting a draw from this
game confirms to me one thing I have suspected for a while - We are an
average side in a pretty mediocre league.

Batty and Dacourt didn't give the soft centred Toffees a sniff. They won
every loose ball in the midfield bog and dug in. Matteo on the left of
midfield had acres of space to weave his magic. Now, as much as I admire
Dominic's defensive qualities, I have to say he is not the first player
I'd chose to exploit a huge gap in the opposition's rearguard. He plays
like a drug addict. Wilcox was gnawing at O'Leary's arm on the bench.
O'Leary brushed him aside and said "wait til the 80th minute and then
i'll think about it"

Keane ran about like an anxious cat pursued by the owner of Viduka's
local chinky take away. Viduka licked his lips. Leeds got the ball, they
tried to pass, the ball bobbled on the shocking pitch and we lost
control/possession/and any impetus our attacks had.

After 10 minutes it became clear to me that it was a waste of time
passing the ball on the deck. Leeds continued to tip tap it to their
forwards like a load of namby-pamby ballet dancers. Nothing came off.
Nothing at all. Gough moved his wheelchair in, waited the bobble and
took the ball. Viduka scoffed. Not for the 1st time.

For half an hour we were camped in the host's half. How many shots on
goal did we muster ? One, and that was a 50-50 with the keeper that
Viduka's lack of pace and pork pie frame turned into a 90-10 in the
keepers favour.

Murphy's Law then kicked us in the bollocks. Harte inexplicably gave the
ball away and then missed a chance to win the ball back. The cross from
the right was tamely punched away by Martyn and the fragile Duncan
Ferguson broke his legs and arms as he tucked the ball unchallenged into
the empty net.

The Evertonians, not surprisingly, were ecstatic. The scoreboard proved
it wasn't a bad dream.

Leeds fans are used to these bizzare scenarios. Its what football is all
about. Nothing makes any sense.

Bowyer continued to run his heart out on the right hand side but the
pitch was like treacle and his little legs couldn't cope. Mills, being
watched by Tord Grip (yeah him) made a hash of any good openings he
found himself in. Our right hand side was crap. Our left hand side was
worse.

The situation called for route one football. Its not pretty but any ball
played over the top caused problems due to the heavy pitch and
unpredictable bounce. With the exception of Gough all defenders on show
looked quite poor. The pitch was to blame. We never took advantage of
it. Very poor tactics.

Wimbledon of old would have blasted both teams off the park - no danger.

Everton had their 2nd chance on half time but Campbell volleyed over.
Leeds couldn't believe they were losing. I could.

2 shots - one from Viduka bobbled dangerously wide, the other I
mentioned earlier. 2 friggin shots on a dodgy pitch after 40 mins of
possession !

2nd half Everton were slightly more competitive but still both sides
continued to try and pass the ball in the quagmire and both gave the
ball away cheaply. It wasn't pretty but English football isnt. It was
entertaining though.

Harte hit the post from a free header following a corner but we never
looked like scoring. Keane ran down blind alleys and Viduka dithered and
dallied. We looked lost.

Harte seized the initiative and for once somebody chanced their luck on
the dodgy surface. A SHOT AT LAST ! In slow motion the ball trickled
form 25 yards out and crawled into the bottom corner of the net. The
Leeds fans went mad.

Once we'd got our breaths back we turned to the Scousers to our left -
"SHALL WE SING A SONG FOR YOU ? SHALL WE SING A SONG FOR YOU ?" - "GOING
DOWN ! GOING DOWN ! etc"

We were so pleased with ourselves. Everton fans signalled "V" for
victory to us.

Less than a minute later a harmless ball played into our penalty peat-
bog area caused mayhem and Ferdinand somehow contrived to lose the ball
and it was left for Campbell to easily push the ball past a stranded
Martyn.

"SHALL *WE* SING A SONG FOR YOU?" laughed the Evertonians.

We went red.

Dacourt, booed by his erstwhile supporters picked the ball up in a
similar position to Harte and in a carbon copy slow-mo strike left the
ghost Everton keeper watching the corner of his net bulge.

"SHALL WE SING A SONG FOR YOU ? SHALL WE SING A SONG FOR YOU ?" - "GOING
DOWN ! GOING DOWN ! etc"

Pure theatre. The adrenaline was pulsating round the wooden stands.

Smith came on and Viduka defied us all and set up a superb chance that
was squandered (not sure who by !)

Leeds looked the more likely now they realised that shooting was a good
policy but we still were goal shy.

Mills ballsed up several good positions on the right - we've come to
expect that though.

Everton forced a couple of late corners but Leeds held firm for the
point they were lucky to get but conversely we were unlucky not to get
all 3 !

A strange game, a great atmosphere and a point away from home.

Everton are not a great side but neither are we.

Scores
------

Martyn 5 - sorry Nige but you boobed and it cost a goal

Mills 6 - defended OK but rubbish going forward
Harte 5 - Oh dear, Oh dear - he has to go. So slow. If he hadnt scored
would have got 1/10. Great goal.
Radebe 6 - Struggled like most on the horrendous surface
Rio 4 - Cocked up for the 2nd goal

Bowyer 6 - Gave it everything but has no brain
Batty 9 - Unreal considering his time out with injury
Ollie 9 - Had a point to prove. Scored a cracker
Matteo 4 - Drugged out his mind

Viduka 2 - Useless fat lazy twat (or appeared to be)
Keane 6 - Nothing went his way but never stopped running

Subs/

Wilcox, Smith, Bakke - made no real impact in the last 10-15 mins or so.

p.s thanks to Neil and Chris for sorting my tickets at the 11th hour.

Nice also to meet the infamous Mr.Maverick-Flag in the pub before hand.

--
stotty

www.astott.demon.co.uk

(LUFC match reports, cartoons, and Flash movies)